It's only a few days before we hit the date we lost Curtis three years ago. The last few weeks have been tough with so many reflective moments going through my mind. It makes me think of how my life has become a series of contradictions.
I sometimes feel I'm walking around in circles, never really accomplishing much. At the same time I look back at the last three years and see how much Dave and I have done. How did that happen? We have kept busy to help get through some tough times, yet it does little to ease the pain.
I feel a sense of peace, yet I have a nervous energy I can't seem to shake. There is nothing I can do about what is happened and I have accepted that fate, but I cry often because it hurts.
Time is the strangest contrast. In three years a lifetime has passed in a blink on an eye. I hate how it passes too quickly. I worry with time I will forget things. Not him of course, but small things I enjoyed about him so much. I could be so mad at him one second, and he would say "I love you Mom" and it would all be forgiven. I miss that.
