Anxiety. For some time I have suppressed it, but it is back with a vengeance. Maybe it's because I have been so busy with planning the golf event, looking forward to having the girls and Curtis' buddies around, now it is over and they are gone. Every time I turn around I feel everything is closing in on me. I feel a sense of doom. Criticism, even constructive, crushes me. Small tasks overwhelm me. Motivation evades me.
I hate that these moments come at strange times. Nothing in particular brings them on, or do they. Yesterday I felt I was getting messages all day, and I wasn't liking what they were saying. It seemed that every hour a song, recent or old, was sending a story of loss and yearning for a loved one. My mid morning patient came in full of stress, and after chatting, I discovered she had lost her son almost exactly one year ago. We had our moment, and she told me "You were just what I needed today" That didn't help my melancholy mood, in fact I think it added to it.
Unlike the dark days of three years ago, I know this time will pass. I need to trudge forward, keeping in mind the wonderful people I have around me. It's all I can do.
"Sunny days seem to hurt the most. I wear the pain like a heavy coat." ~Kenny Chesney
