When Dave and I bought the motorcycle only three months after Curtis' death last year, we didn't know that it would literally save our lives. We found it very therapeutic to get out and just ride, putting on 10,000 mile last summer. But the day that the Tribute To The Troops came to our house in September, we both knew they were the group we needed to be part of.
This past weekend, we traveled to Chicago with some of the Tribute riders to visit families. Illinois is starting their own chapter, and the Minnesota group is helping to get it started. Although Dave and I had gone on the remembrance ride this Spring, the first visits have a different impact and feel, so I felt as if we were going for the first time. Hearing stories from other riders, it sounds like every time feels like the first because every visit is as different from each other as the families.
We visited four families. As a Gold Star mother, I know the pain they are still feeling and how overwhelming the anticipation of what to expect from this group can be. At each visit, I got those same feelings. What would I say, how would they react? But the mother to mother embrace, the knowledge of our pain, was the same each time. I think sometimes we feel that we are the only ones going through this, or any of our life's troubles, and having that connection is powerful and healing.
Between the excessive heat and the emotions of the day, I was exhausted. I could have fallen asleep on my feet by the end of the day, but it was worth it. I get the chance to be with some amazing people, all with hearts of gold. They encourage us to talk of Curtis with comfort. We are fortunate to have found an outlet to make a tragic event into something good.
Thank you to all my new friends.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Rest Easy Marines
Yesterday two local heros were brought home. SGT Chad Frokjer and CPL Michael Nolan, both United States Marines. Anytime I hear of another KIA it weights heavy on my mind, but a Marine is especially difficult. Coming on the heals of a holiday is hard as well, I think of what the family was going through when the rest of us were celebrating without much care, much the same as our family on Easter.
Today, for the first time, Dave feels the need to be at the viewings to support the families. I have yet to decide what I am going to do. I know how it felt to have other Gold Star family members attend the services to show their support, but I also know how difficult and emotional it will be.
I probably will wait until the last minute to make that final choice, even as I sit here writing about it I am flipping back and forth. No matter what that decision is, I will be thinking of the families today and in the coming days and months, knowing the journey they must travel I will keep them in my prayers.
Rest easy Marines.
Today, for the first time, Dave feels the need to be at the viewings to support the families. I have yet to decide what I am going to do. I know how it felt to have other Gold Star family members attend the services to show their support, but I also know how difficult and emotional it will be.
I probably will wait until the last minute to make that final choice, even as I sit here writing about it I am flipping back and forth. No matter what that decision is, I will be thinking of the families today and in the coming days and months, knowing the journey they must travel I will keep them in my prayers.
Rest easy Marines.
Friday, July 1, 2011
The Crash
It's only a matter of time. There are so many times when we are together with some great people, lifting up our hero's, supporting us through the most difficult period of our lives. The gatherings are uplifting, they help to keep a memory alive, yet at the same time they rip the scab off the wound one more time. Typically they are followed by 'The Crash'.
It's a double edge sword. No one wants the memory of their loved one forgotten. We have a huge network of people who want to help to keep our hero's and what they stood for alive to make sure we all understand what price our freedoms come at. The generosity is overwhelming at times. Although the gifts and memorabilia make me feel grateful, it is a strange sensation to have such notoriety.
The crash is something that comes later. I didn't feel it after the golf benefit, yet after the Patriot ride I hit that wall hard. I think it was because the events were very different from each other, or it was a delayed reaction, I simply didn't have time to fall. The benefit felt light and a celebration of Curtis' life, and although the ride was uplifting, it had a heavier feel to me. That following week was rough. I had trouble concentrating, I found it difficult making small talk with patients, the tears were too close to the surface for comfort, and I snapped at Dave or anyone else in my path. By the end of the week the stress led to a migraine.
After some much needed rest, I feel better. I know that I need to take the time to take care of myself. I need to keep going to these events, not only for the help it gives me, but to help others. Hopefully the crashes will become less often or at least soften.
It's a double edge sword. No one wants the memory of their loved one forgotten. We have a huge network of people who want to help to keep our hero's and what they stood for alive to make sure we all understand what price our freedoms come at. The generosity is overwhelming at times. Although the gifts and memorabilia make me feel grateful, it is a strange sensation to have such notoriety.
The crash is something that comes later. I didn't feel it after the golf benefit, yet after the Patriot ride I hit that wall hard. I think it was because the events were very different from each other, or it was a delayed reaction, I simply didn't have time to fall. The benefit felt light and a celebration of Curtis' life, and although the ride was uplifting, it had a heavier feel to me. That following week was rough. I had trouble concentrating, I found it difficult making small talk with patients, the tears were too close to the surface for comfort, and I snapped at Dave or anyone else in my path. By the end of the week the stress led to a migraine.
After some much needed rest, I feel better. I know that I need to take the time to take care of myself. I need to keep going to these events, not only for the help it gives me, but to help others. Hopefully the crashes will become less often or at least soften.
Friday, June 24, 2011
This Years Patriot Ride
Dave and I rode with the most passionate and patriotic people last weekend. What a sight to see over 3000 bikes arriving for the patriot ride in Hamm Lake. The group consisted of Patriot Guard members, Tribute to the Troops riders, and Gold Star family and friends.
What a well organized gathering. After breakfast and checking out the many vendors, there was a program before the ride. One of our friends and fellow Gold Star mother, Joanne, who helped organize the Gold Star events for the day, talked of her introduction to the Patriot Guard with the death of her sons friend only about a year before her own son was killed in Irag.
There is always an exciting energy in the air when that many bikes start up at the same time. With that many bikes, the group left the park in waves. Along the route, there were hundreds of citizens, from babies to the elderly, out waving flags and signs of support. I always love to see the faces of people as that many motorcycles pass in a group. The smiles and look of awe makes me feel like I'm part of something wonderful, which I am.
A few miles before our designated stop, we drove past several Soldiers and Marines memorializing the Minnesota fallen in the past year, what a sobering way to remember what the ride is truly about.
At the Cambridge Armory there was a festival feeling. A band, food and a trick motorcycle riding demonstration. That is when the rain started! Even though we were getting wet, the attitude of the day did not change. When we left the armory, the rain picked up even more, so much more that I remember telling Dave, "I feel baptized!" But again, looking around, I saw nothing but smiles on faces, and the spectators on the side did not go home either.
The day ended with many speakers, a letter was read from a fallen soldier to his daughter, and retired WWII vet spoke. The colors were retired and taps played, always an emotional moment. Overall it was a great day spent with the most wonderful people I wish I had never met.
What a well organized gathering. After breakfast and checking out the many vendors, there was a program before the ride. One of our friends and fellow Gold Star mother, Joanne, who helped organize the Gold Star events for the day, talked of her introduction to the Patriot Guard with the death of her sons friend only about a year before her own son was killed in Irag.
There is always an exciting energy in the air when that many bikes start up at the same time. With that many bikes, the group left the park in waves. Along the route, there were hundreds of citizens, from babies to the elderly, out waving flags and signs of support. I always love to see the faces of people as that many motorcycles pass in a group. The smiles and look of awe makes me feel like I'm part of something wonderful, which I am.
A few miles before our designated stop, we drove past several Soldiers and Marines memorializing the Minnesota fallen in the past year, what a sobering way to remember what the ride is truly about.
At the Cambridge Armory there was a festival feeling. A band, food and a trick motorcycle riding demonstration. That is when the rain started! Even though we were getting wet, the attitude of the day did not change. When we left the armory, the rain picked up even more, so much more that I remember telling Dave, "I feel baptized!" But again, looking around, I saw nothing but smiles on faces, and the spectators on the side did not go home either.
The day ended with many speakers, a letter was read from a fallen soldier to his daughter, and retired WWII vet spoke. The colors were retired and taps played, always an emotional moment. Overall it was a great day spent with the most wonderful people I wish I had never met.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Last Years Patriot Ride
This weekend we will be going to the Patriot Ride in Hamm Lake. It is a ride that is a fundraiser for the Patriot Guard. This will be our first trip to this gathering. Last year, when Curtis was to be one of the honored, we were headed to Hawaii for his units memorial.
When we found out Curtis was to be stationed in Hawaii, we made the decision to travel there once, after his deployments. The expense was what held us back, it disappointed us he wasn't stationed in California, a place that was easier and less expensive to get to, we would have been there several times in 3 or 4 years. So, the night before Curtis was killed, we thought it was safe to purchase our airline tickets for our 2 week family vacation. The very next day, our vacation to paradise turned into a trip to hell.
Leading up to the trip, I couldn't talk to people about it. Anytime I mentioned it, it was met with enthusiasm about what we should do, where we should go, some could not understand how I was not excited about such a 'vacation'. My only thought was I was going out there to bury my son again.
We went with the intentions to make the best of it. We traveled around Oahu, went to Pearl Harbor, visited beaches, snorkeled and enjoyed a luau, but all with a heavy heart. The beauty of the island was lost on us. The positive part was meeting and spending some time with many of Curtis' friends who could tell us stories, it was healing for both them and us.
Many times we would mention that we would have rather been at the Patriot Ride we had been invited to. It not only is a ride, but a gathering of Gold Star Families. It is a wonderful event, I understand, to make and solidify those relationships that help to heal and help others. I am looking forward to the weekend, and can't wait to write more about it, I know it will be with more enthusiasm than last years 'trip'.
When we found out Curtis was to be stationed in Hawaii, we made the decision to travel there once, after his deployments. The expense was what held us back, it disappointed us he wasn't stationed in California, a place that was easier and less expensive to get to, we would have been there several times in 3 or 4 years. So, the night before Curtis was killed, we thought it was safe to purchase our airline tickets for our 2 week family vacation. The very next day, our vacation to paradise turned into a trip to hell.
Leading up to the trip, I couldn't talk to people about it. Anytime I mentioned it, it was met with enthusiasm about what we should do, where we should go, some could not understand how I was not excited about such a 'vacation'. My only thought was I was going out there to bury my son again.
We went with the intentions to make the best of it. We traveled around Oahu, went to Pearl Harbor, visited beaches, snorkeled and enjoyed a luau, but all with a heavy heart. The beauty of the island was lost on us. The positive part was meeting and spending some time with many of Curtis' friends who could tell us stories, it was healing for both them and us.
Many times we would mention that we would have rather been at the Patriot Ride we had been invited to. It not only is a ride, but a gathering of Gold Star Families. It is a wonderful event, I understand, to make and solidify those relationships that help to heal and help others. I am looking forward to the weekend, and can't wait to write more about it, I know it will be with more enthusiasm than last years 'trip'.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Golf Benefit
After six months of planning, the golf benefit is now in the books. We had a perfect day all around. The weather couldn't have been more perfect, volunteers turned out in force to get things set up in quick time, and more golfers showed up than expected.
Not that it was difficult to top our expectations. When Dave and I first envisioned this outing, we thought if 30 or 40 people came out we would be happy. We had 150 for golf and served 250 for dinner. We also had about 40 Tribute to the Troops and Patriot Guard riders make an appearance to ride the bluff country in Curtis' honor. There was so much support and love, it was hard to take it all in.
We started the day with a short program at the putting green. It was the only solemn moment of the day. Although we were there to remember, the day was to be a celebration of a life lived, doing something that he loved to do. After we got the golfers off, Dave, Katie, Mike, the photographer, and I set out on the course to meet each foursome, it was fun to see everyone having a good time, and it gave us a chance to meet all who came. Dinner was served a bit late, but nobody seemed to care, it was delicious.
Afterward I heard a few stories of eagles that makes be believe that Curtis was present and approved of the day. While Chaplain Morris was speaking, I'm told Angel, the eagle from The Eagle Center in Wabasha, spread her wings wide and posed for the crowd for several minutes, she also posed, wings spread for the gold star family picture. And, on hole six, a hole sponsor and friend watched two eagles circling the course for the afternoon.
Thank you everyone for a wonderful day and beautiful tribute.
Not that it was difficult to top our expectations. When Dave and I first envisioned this outing, we thought if 30 or 40 people came out we would be happy. We had 150 for golf and served 250 for dinner. We also had about 40 Tribute to the Troops and Patriot Guard riders make an appearance to ride the bluff country in Curtis' honor. There was so much support and love, it was hard to take it all in.
We started the day with a short program at the putting green. It was the only solemn moment of the day. Although we were there to remember, the day was to be a celebration of a life lived, doing something that he loved to do. After we got the golfers off, Dave, Katie, Mike, the photographer, and I set out on the course to meet each foursome, it was fun to see everyone having a good time, and it gave us a chance to meet all who came. Dinner was served a bit late, but nobody seemed to care, it was delicious.
Afterward I heard a few stories of eagles that makes be believe that Curtis was present and approved of the day. While Chaplain Morris was speaking, I'm told Angel, the eagle from The Eagle Center in Wabasha, spread her wings wide and posed for the crowd for several minutes, she also posed, wings spread for the gold star family picture. And, on hole six, a hole sponsor and friend watched two eagles circling the course for the afternoon.
Thank you everyone for a wonderful day and beautiful tribute.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Memorial Day Weekend
In years past, Dave and I would camp with his family on Memorial Day Weekend, then attend the service at the Soldiers Field Memorial on Monday. It was a tradition that we followed for many years. This year, there were so many things that we needed to attend, that camping just didn't fit in.
Dave and I have been on the committee to get the Bell of Honor ready for it's unveiling. For those who don't know, the Bell of Honor is a 3000 pound, 101 year old bell, that two brothers in town purchased to be able to ring at funerals of the fallen, as well as veterans, police, firefighters and EMT. Friday the committee was invited to Algona, Iowa, to Aluma. This is the factory that custom made the trailer to house the bell, as well as up to four motorcycles. The owners shut down the factory for the afternoon to allow their employees to view the final product with the graphics and bell. It was a wet ride on the way back, but it was a great day seeing and talking to these people who were so proud of their work, and impressed they were a part in this project.
Saturday was the DAV's Thank a Vet Celebration. Again, we were asked to set the bell up for display. It drew a crowd. One person that saw it on his way past, and turned around to see it closer is a gentleman from Dover, Delaware. I saw him having difficulty looking at some things on a table and went to help him out. In our conversation, I discovered he was a Air Force Vet, now working with the incoming families of the fallen at Dover Air Force Base. We had gone there to view the dignified transfer, the witnessing of our sons body returning from overseas. He was in the area for a funeral of an MIA Airman shot down in the Vietnam War, whose body was discovered last year. We had a nice conversation, he was able to understand a families view, and we were able to put a different face to a place we have grown to despise. Afterward we had a nice picnic with family, and Sunday was spent with our soon to be son in laws family.
Memorial Day was, and may always be, the most difficult. Seeing Curtis' name on the wall always takes my breath away. Sitting with family and friends, we listened to the main speaker, our Pastor, talk of the community support following Curtis' funeral. Pastor Wahl is a wonderful orator, and the story is beautiful. So many people lined streets as the funeral procession passed for 65 miles to his resting place. That was only the beginning of the show of support we have received.
After the service, once again the Bell of Honor was brought in for it's dedication. It is an impressive sight, my only wish is that we never have to ring it for another fallen soldier or marine.
The VFW had a pig roast and band afterward. We had a great afternoon of conversation and laughs with some wonderful people. When I speak of a 'New Life', this is what it is about, a lot of sadness, but mostly good. I am blessed to have so many people to have walked into my life.
Dave and I have been on the committee to get the Bell of Honor ready for it's unveiling. For those who don't know, the Bell of Honor is a 3000 pound, 101 year old bell, that two brothers in town purchased to be able to ring at funerals of the fallen, as well as veterans, police, firefighters and EMT. Friday the committee was invited to Algona, Iowa, to Aluma. This is the factory that custom made the trailer to house the bell, as well as up to four motorcycles. The owners shut down the factory for the afternoon to allow their employees to view the final product with the graphics and bell. It was a wet ride on the way back, but it was a great day seeing and talking to these people who were so proud of their work, and impressed they were a part in this project.
Saturday was the DAV's Thank a Vet Celebration. Again, we were asked to set the bell up for display. It drew a crowd. One person that saw it on his way past, and turned around to see it closer is a gentleman from Dover, Delaware. I saw him having difficulty looking at some things on a table and went to help him out. In our conversation, I discovered he was a Air Force Vet, now working with the incoming families of the fallen at Dover Air Force Base. We had gone there to view the dignified transfer, the witnessing of our sons body returning from overseas. He was in the area for a funeral of an MIA Airman shot down in the Vietnam War, whose body was discovered last year. We had a nice conversation, he was able to understand a families view, and we were able to put a different face to a place we have grown to despise. Afterward we had a nice picnic with family, and Sunday was spent with our soon to be son in laws family.
Memorial Day was, and may always be, the most difficult. Seeing Curtis' name on the wall always takes my breath away. Sitting with family and friends, we listened to the main speaker, our Pastor, talk of the community support following Curtis' funeral. Pastor Wahl is a wonderful orator, and the story is beautiful. So many people lined streets as the funeral procession passed for 65 miles to his resting place. That was only the beginning of the show of support we have received.
After the service, once again the Bell of Honor was brought in for it's dedication. It is an impressive sight, my only wish is that we never have to ring it for another fallen soldier or marine.
The VFW had a pig roast and band afterward. We had a great afternoon of conversation and laughs with some wonderful people. When I speak of a 'New Life', this is what it is about, a lot of sadness, but mostly good. I am blessed to have so many people to have walked into my life.
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