Monday, November 21, 2011

Goose Hunters

Over the weekend I again got to meet some hero's.  There was a goose hunt for twelve wounded warriors, all one hundred percent disabled,  from around the United States.  They had a meet and greet at the VFW on Friday night, and we decided to go.  I'm so glad we did.

I feel like a broken record when I say I'm inspired when I'm around these great men and women, but it may be the only way I can describe it, they are incredible.  I met Mike first, he was burned over 40% of his body, much on his hands, arms and head, he now works as a peer mentor.  He is making a bad situation into something good, much like Dave and I are trying to do.  He had such a zest for life, both Dave and I were drawn to him. 

Zach was a little more difficult to crack, I had to peak under the bill of his hat to see his eyes.  He looked to be 16, and looked uncomfortable being there.  With his jacket on, I didn't see any apparent injuries, but he is still in DC getting ready for yet another surgery.  He was in his vehicle when a rocket came through the door, passed through his arm and continued out the drivers side door, then exploded.  He was quick to show me his arm when I asked, I think he sensed I wouldn't judge or get upset.

Later, during a short presentation and welcome, we were introduced as a Gold Star Family.  It felt a little awkward to receive such recognition in such a group of hero's, it was their day.  It has finally dawned on me that Dave and I represent the face of the parent of their buddies who didn't come back.  They may not have been able to meet those parents, but can shake our hands and tell us how sorry they are.  Many have survivors guilt, and having us there greeting them, showing our gratitude hopefully makes them feel we are not placing blame anywhere, we are not wondering why Curtis and not them? 

We may have come on a different path to this point, and may walk a different one when we part, but the roads we are on intersect at many places.  We can understand war in a way that many others cannot.  That is what makes our differing stories so similar.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Veterans Day

When I think of the memories of Curtis, I find many ironies in them.  Veterans Day is no exception, it is the last full day I spent with Curtis.  He and Katie flew home on Halloween and we said our goodbyes the morning after Veterans Day.

We spent the day going from place to place eating the free food offerings and accepting hand shakes and thanks for his service.  Like so many of our service members, it was met humbly, as if he didn't think he was worthy of the praise he was receiving.  It didn't matter, I was proud enough for us both. 

Because of this special day and week, we also had the opportunity to don our Sunday best and attend the Marine Corps Ball while he was home.  How special it was to watch as all the cousins danced and sang together for the first time since they were children.  It was a night and week filled with great memories that will, and have to, last a lifetime. 

Today will be full for Dave and I as well.  Breakfast with real American Heros, our Veterans, and this afternoon a wall will be dedicated at Mayo High School to honor not only Curtis, but Travis Bruce, another Mayo graduate who was killed in action in 2005. 

Thank you to all the men and woman who have served, whether peacetime or times of conflict, you stepped up and promised to do what was asked, I thank you for all my freedoms.

Friday, November 4, 2011

The Year Everything Changed

I'm reading the book "The Year Everything Changed" by Georgia Bockoven.  The title may indicate it could relate to me, but it has a totally different story line.  It is just a bit of easy reading that takes my mind away from my own troubles.  I'm not very far into the book, but I ran across a line that struck me.  "She wasn't ready for the life she'd known to be over, and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it."

Wow.  How true this statement rings.  Even before my life imploded, I was feeling a sense of that statement as true.  Curtis had been out of the house for three years, and Emily was making her own way as well.  After I raised children and they flew from the nest I needed time to adjust and find my own way too.  What was I going to make of myself now that I wasn't needed anymore?  I guess I was just starting to get over my pity party and figure it out when the bad news arrived, how small the former problem became. 

In so many ways new opportunities have opened up to me, and in so many ways I struggle with some of what is left of my former life.  My work is a source of trouble for me.  I wonder sometimes if it is what I want to do anymore, something that had never crossed my mind before.  I question if I was a good enough parent.  I think I offered enough love and support, but it will always be something I will wonder.  And, among so many things, I miss the sense of security.   It was challenged during deployments, but certainly not to this extent, anxiety is a constant companion now.

Change is just a part of life, but I wasn't ready for this, how could anyone be?  It's just that some days I'd like to go back and have a few more days of what I remember as normal.  There's not a damn thing I can do about it.