I Only Want Your Love

I've never been one to ask for much.  When asked for a list at Christmas time, I struggle to come up with very few things that I want, and even fewer that I truly need.  As my children grew, they would ask what I wanted for Christmas, my standard answer of  "I only want your love"  would be met with rolled eyes and a "that doesn't help, Mom!"   I didn't want them to spend what little money they had on me.

That isn't to say that I don't enjoy a gift, but I sometimes feel I don't deserve or need one.  My wish for love was honest, and easy to give.  A hug, an "I love you", giving of their time, or even doing the dishes without my asking would go a long way with me, and for the most part they delivered.

Now, with Emily so far away and Curtis gone, I ache for the love of my children.  Sometimes it hurts so bad I can literally feel my heart rip in two.  I talk with Emily frequently, but it's not the same as a touch or a hug.  As Christmas approaches, this feeling increases.  I hear the songs of the season and want to scream, "It's NOT the most wonderful time of the year!"   I know I'm not alone when I say that.

Now that I got that out of my system, I want to say that I do feel the love in different ways now.  I know that it is Curtis who has brought so many wonderful people into my life.  Maybe it's that this time of year, when I don't get to spend much time with them, that I feel so depleted. 

Dave and I will travel to see Emily, Nic and Katie for the Holiday.  They better be ready, because I'm ready to accept my gift in a big way.

Quick Wit

One of the things I miss most about Curtis is his quick wit.  Sometimes he would say something so fast and funny, one look at his face, and I would know that he didn't even know where it came from. 

A few weeks ago while at Cabelas at the costumer service counter, the cashier next to me was telling her costumer that she had just purchased a leather sewing machine.  As I was thinking she had bought it for sewing patches on leather vests and jackets, something came out of my mouth as quick and unexpectedly to me as my neighbors.

"Did you get it to make your dominatrix outfits?"  My sister in law and the guy next to me burst out laughing, a man in an office behind the counter even poked his head out to see who had made such a comment.  I had to admit I cracked myself up.  How could that have come out of my mouth?  It wasn't even something that I was thinking.  It was just the sort of thing Curtis would have said. 

Is that how he chooses to make his presence known?  Just a friendly reminder to laugh at life when you aren't feeling that jovial?  Thank you Curtis for letting my know you are near and to have a little fun with life.