I Only Want Your Love

I've never been one to ask for much.  When asked for a list at Christmas time, I struggle to come up with very few things that I want, and even fewer that I truly need.  As my children grew, they would ask what I wanted for Christmas, my standard answer of  "I only want your love"  would be met with rolled eyes and a "that doesn't help, Mom!"   I didn't want them to spend what little money they had on me.

That isn't to say that I don't enjoy a gift, but I sometimes feel I don't deserve or need one.  My wish for love was honest, and easy to give.  A hug, an "I love you", giving of their time, or even doing the dishes without my asking would go a long way with me, and for the most part they delivered.

Now, with Emily so far away and Curtis gone, I ache for the love of my children.  Sometimes it hurts so bad I can literally feel my heart rip in two.  I talk with Emily frequently, but it's not the same as a touch or a hug.  As Christmas approaches, this feeling increases.  I hear the songs of the season and want to scream, "It's NOT the most wonderful time of the year!"   I know I'm not alone when I say that.

Now that I got that out of my system, I want to say that I do feel the love in different ways now.  I know that it is Curtis who has brought so many wonderful people into my life.  Maybe it's that this time of year, when I don't get to spend much time with them, that I feel so depleted. 

Dave and I will travel to see Emily, Nic and Katie for the Holiday.  They better be ready, because I'm ready to accept my gift in a big way.