Found

I feel like someone has come back from the dead.  I have spoken of the child I gave up for adoption, he has found me.  I am thrilled, this is something I have wanted for so long.  Now that it has happened, I am filled with emotions I didn't expect.

When I gave him a new life, I had to go through a period of what I would describe as mourning.  I had to come to terms with my loss even though I knew I was doing the right thing.  Like a death, I would never forget, but I had to move forward and make a life of my own without him in it.  It is strange that in my mind all these years he would find me in his late twenties, I shouldn't be surprised.

I am suddenly thrown back to a painful time of the loss of my sister, an unexpected pregnancy and abandonment.  This, added to my recent loss has placed me back into the bipolar ups and downs of recent years. 

I am excited to talk with him and learn of his childhood.  I treasure getting to know him as the adult he has become.  It places me on a high to hear from him almost daily since we have connected.  But then I think of what I am missing with Curtis and I can spiral down to that low place again.  It is a unique situation that no books are written to help me through.

Dave and Emily are so supportive.  Like Katie and Nic, they are ready to accept him with open arms, unconditionally.  I guess that's just how our family operates.  I hope he is ready for us. 

Thankfully these tumultuous emotions will end with a good thing.  Hopefully we can have a  life long friendship.  Thank you Jon for finding me, I have loved you all your life.