Recently my niece finished the School of Music and got her orders. After a long difficult road to complete the course, she is on her way. I wrote on her facebook page that I was happy for her. It is what she wanted and was so anxious to get started on the career path that she had been working on for so long. But it made me start thinking, dangerous, I know.
As I was raising my children, many times I would think that I just wanted them to be happy with the path their lives took, this applies to others as well. Their happiness would make me happy. For the most part this is true. I am happy Emily and Nic are in love and doing so well. I am happy for Beckie that her military career is finally on the move. I am happy for Katie that she found a career that she can share her beautiful heart. This is where I started thinking, shouldn't I apply this same theory to Curtis?
It is easy to be happy for someone when their happiness is also something that is good for you. Even if it sometimes starts with a pang of unhappiness, such as a move far away, meaning a small loss for you. You can still find it in your heart to feel joyful for them. But when their happiness means such a tremendous loss for you, it is not as easy.
Curtis is where there is no pain or sorrow. He is forever young. He has eternal life. Shouldn't I be glad for this ultimate happiness? As I was thinking this thought, the tears flowing, a smile came across my face, which in turn brought on more tears. I guess it was a "laughing through tears" moment. I am happy for Curtis, just really sad for me. The work of grief is getting to the moment when I can say "I am happy for you" and truly feel happy at the same time. Apparently I have some work to do.
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