The Crash

It's only a matter of time.  There are so many times when we are together with some great people, lifting up our hero's, supporting us through the most difficult period of our lives.  The gatherings are uplifting, they help to keep a memory alive, yet at the same time they rip the scab off the wound one more time.  Typically they are followed by 'The Crash'.

It's a double edge sword.  No one wants the memory of their loved one forgotten.  We have a huge network of people who want to help to keep our hero's and what they stood for alive to make sure we all understand what price our freedoms come at.  The generosity is overwhelming at times.  Although the gifts and memorabilia make me feel grateful, it is a strange sensation to have such notoriety. 

The crash is something that comes later.  I didn't feel it after the golf benefit, yet after the Patriot ride I hit that wall hard.  I think it was because the events were very different from each other, or it was a delayed reaction, I simply didn't have time to fall.  The benefit felt light and a celebration of Curtis' life, and although the ride was uplifting, it had a heavier feel to me.  That following week was rough.  I had trouble concentrating, I found it difficult making small talk with patients, the tears were too close to the surface for comfort, and I snapped at Dave or anyone else in my path.  By the end of the week the stress led to a migraine. 

After some much needed rest, I feel better.  I know that I need to take the time to take care of myself.  I need to keep going to these events, not only for the help it gives me, but to help others.  Hopefully the crashes will become less often or at least soften.