Blue and Gold

Some time back I was asked to write a piece for a local magazine that comes out for Veterans Day.  I have been struggling with how to approach this.  It may have been the way it was presented to me.  The gentleman who asked, told me I should write about what you go through as a Blue Star Mom.  I thought he only mixed up the Blue and Gold, but he went on to say that I should talk about the struggles and feelings a Mom goes through when a child is deployed.  I looked at him blankly, I didn't even know how to answer, I only said that I would try to put something together.

I remember those feelings, it's just that it feels like a life time ago that I was counting down the days until I could take a full breath, knowing that my son was out of danger.  I now am with a group of people that know the pain of never having that final count down, never taking a fully relieving breath.  I think he was trying to convey to me that I should write about my experience as a Gold Star Mother, but how do I sum up my feelings in a short essay?

When Curtis first deployed I felt I didn't need the support of the local Blue Star Mother's group.  I had my own support group, my sister in laws had both been through deployments with their sons.  I had them to talk to and go to for support.  Today I find the local group invaluable.  They stand by quietly, always remembering special dates, stopping by with flowers and cards of encouragement.  They have asked me to join them at their meetings, but I am not ready for that.  I have moved on from the Blue Star status.  I know they do not want to be where I am, nor do I want them to join me.  They are a wonderful group that know the difficulties of a deployed child, and to some degree understand what I am going through , because I am living their greatest fear.

I'm not sure if I'll ever get the essay completed, and I may already be too late to submit it.  I have learned that some things cannot be rushed, or there are things that are just not meant to be.  It may have to wait until next year, but for now I will take comfort in knowing there is this special group of ladies who will always care, they don't need an essay to understand.