I read recently that a person suffers a close loss every 7 years. That isn't very often to feel comfortable in dealing with death, and actually, I feel that number is too low. Many of the things that we are taught to say somehow fall short of comforting. Remember before I start, I firmly believe that it is better to say something than to ignore the elephant in the room, and I too have probably said these things because I didn't know what else to say.
The first is "Moving on". Dave and I agree that there is no moving on from this. We prefer Moving forward. We move forward one second, one hour, one day, one week at a time. Any parent knows that your children are a part of who you are. They are a part of your identity. We haven't just had to morn him, but any grandchildren he and Katie may have had. This may not be a healthy thought, but it is what I need to do to move forward.
The second is "Closure". I read an article on John Ritter's widow and I think she said it best. "It's more about opening. Opening my mind to accept and my heart to live and laugh and love again." Closure sounds so final, like we could lock our memories away and forget about it. I prefer to open my heart to new friends and old to help me though these trying times.
No matter what though, another thing Dave and I agree on, an "I'm so sorry" or "I don't know what to say" are always accepted, because when it comes down to it, sometimes there are no words, but it's honest.
Kay, wise words.
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