Work

For those who don't know, I am a dental hygienist.  Getting back to work has been a long exhausting process for me.  I see an average of nine different patients everyday, not all know that it was my son killed in April, or even know that a Marine from Rochester was killed for that matter.  In October Dave, Emily and I went to a Gold Star Retreat, during our small group session, we were asked what was something we are still struggling with, among so many things this is what I shared. 

I have the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy at work.  If you don't ask the right question, we won't discuss the subject.  But if you ask the right question, you will hear about it.  So on any given hour I'll get, "How is your son doing?" or "How are the kids?"  After my heart makes it's way back to my chest from my knees, I have the task of telling my patient that my son was killed in Afghanistan.  The range of responses is staggering!  Some only say "Oh" and that will be the end of conversation for a very long hour.  Some are shocked and give a condolence, while some will break down in front of me.  Now tell me, what do I do with that?  I"m at work and need to be professional.  I sometimes come across as cold and unemotional, depending on how well I know the patient.  I don't want to take away from the wonderful patients who know and are willing to talk and let me talk their ear off, thank you to them.  So, my days are sometimes very long.

Not long ago a tragic incident happened in downtown Rochester.  A drunk driver hit two separate groups of pedestrians, killing one young man.  Shortly after, I had a patient in that was telling me she and her husband had gone to the wake, and they waited in line for over 3 hours.  She was seemingly so concerned for the family.  So, being that it was in the context of the conversation, I told her that when we were preparing for our sons wake, the funeral director actually discouraged us from standing in line.  Because of the age of our son and the sheer amount of people that we were anticipating, it would be better to mingle and people would find us.  Her only response to this was "Those poor people!"  Really?  She did not hear one word I said!  No wonder I can't get her to floss!  I think she was looking for a pat on the back for a job well done, or at least that is how I took it.  I really didn't feel anger over this, maybe pity is a better word.  I feel bad for people who are so busy trying to be heard, that they don't stop to listen.  You can learn so much by it.

I have heard many of my patients open up to me, telling me tragic stories of their lives that I never knew.  A "don't ask, don't tell" policy of their own.  We all have burdens to live with.