Awhile back Dave was complaining that when people would ask him how he's been, the standard answer of "Fine" seemed inadequate. I suggested he use "I've been better" instead. It's more honest, besides, how many people really listen to the answer of that common greeting? So when Ron, another Gold Star Father, called one evening, Dave tested it out for the first time. Ron is a psychologist, and Dave said as soon as he said it, he regretted the words. After about an hour of reassuring him that he was mearly trying out a new response, and there was nothing in particular that was bothering him that day, I think Ron got the idea. I got a good laugh out of that.
So when I received a phone call after work the other day from Dave, which is a fairly rare occurrence, and asked him how he was, when he responded "I've been better", the alarms in my head went off. If any of you know Dave well, his relationship with the emergency room over his lifetime is extensive! Just north of Rochester, on his way home from work, he rolled his car. Thankfully he and his passenger were not injured, but the car wasn't so lucky.
The impact of this event didn't really hit me until I got Dave home. I didn't sleep well, thinking of what could have been frightened me. I had not had an anxiety attack in a few months, but had one the next morning during my yoga class, and it was a chore to get through the day at work. I know too well how quickly one event can change your life so drastically. Today I feel better, I bounce back from these setbacks much quicker than I could just a few months ago.
I still think the "I've been better" come back is good, if the person who is asking is listening and cares, it will open a conversation that "Fine" couldn't.
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