Vacation

Dave and I are leaving for Cancun on Friday.  Although I am happy to go, I get a feeling that others around me are more excited for me. 

It has been a strange lead up to this trip.  Usually Dave and I would research every aspect of our vacation, feeling that half our trip is in the planning.  Looking at flights, places to stay and what there is to do to "keep us busy".  This time we went to a travel planner that I know and told her what we wanted in a resort, and didn't care where we ended up.  We don't have one single thing planned for the entire week we are gone.

I guess it's that I feel a sense of guilt over this.  I know it sounds illogical, but I can't escape the feeling.  How can I go somewhere so wonderful and enjoy myself when Curtis will never experience such things?  Don't get me wrong, Curtis did alot of living in his short 20 years, we made sure of that, and we are so glad we did, but it is what I think of every time I do something.  Maybe this is why we chose a very different vacation than the usual ski trip we have taken over the last several years.  Will this be something I do for the rest of my life?  Will the feeling lessen?

When we get into the sun and warmth, I know I will relax and enjoy myself.  Maybe I don't need to frantically run from one thing to the next to get everything out of my trip.  This is a true lesson I have learned over the last year, to stop and enjoy what it is I have, not what I don't, even though it isn't easy sometimes.